Like We Never Loved At All
by sothernqt
Summary: Derek contimplates his true feelings for Addi when she is put in danger. Finally Complete!
1. Chapter 1

A/N- This is my first Grey's Anatomy story, but I have written several for JAG. I hope you like this. It is not a DM flick, but they will be in there together. So, without further delay let the story begin.

Seattle Grace Hospital- 7:30 pm

"Addison! Addison wait!" Derek Shepard funs through the hall yelling at his wife's quickly retreating form. He never knew that she could run so fast. As they both approached the ER entrance he grabbed her arm and turned her around. "Addison stop!"

She whipped around to face him; tears streaming down her face. "Why Derek? I just want to know why."

He stood there not knowing what to say. The truth was that he didn't know how to explain it to her, because he couldn't even explain it to himself. "Addison it's now what you think it is."

She chuckled dryly. "You mean that when I just saw you and her kissing that you were just acting." She stared at him with expectancy. Her eyebrows nearing her hairline. "You know what Derek just forget it." She said in a defeated tone. "I think it is time for me to admit what I have always known; that you don't love me."

"Addison how can you say that?"

"Because Derek if you really loved me you would learn to respect my feelings. I know what I did was wrong, and that it might take you a long time to forgive me, and that I may never have your trust again. But I think I could live with that as long as I knew that deep down you still loved me." Addison looked down at her feet then at her left hand. She slowly removed the two bands which had graced her hand for the last eleven years. This was the hardest thing she had ever done, but it had to be done. She handed him the bands which had been her link to their past. "Here maybe you can sell them and put the money towards her bands."

He opened his hands and looked down on the small circle of metal. "Addison don't do this."

Addison reached up and gently caressed his face. "Goodbye Derek, I will always love you." She reached down and picked up her purse clutching it close to her. "I will be staying with Sav and Weiss for a little while. You know their number if you need me. Goodbye." She leaned up and kissed him gently on the lips and whispered "I love you." She turned around and walked out the doors never to see him again, or so she thought.

Starbucks Coffee House- 7:00 am

Waiter's POV

As she walks in many heads turn to watch her. She is quite attractive, especially in that lovely green cashmere sweater and tight blue jeans. As she approaches the counter I make my way over to attend to her needs. "Hi can I help you?"

"I would like a double shot white chocolate mocha."

"What size?"

She thinks for just a moment then says firmly "Grande."

This woman obviously needs some caffeine. Once I finished making her drink she takes it and goes to sit in the oversized chair in the corner. I watch her carefully. She doesn't appear to be waiting on anyone. She keeps looking down at her left hand and rubbing her ring finger. Something must have happened to her in the romance department. She quickly drinks all of her coffee, as if it is the only thing keeping her alive. Yep, this woman was definently going through something. After she throws her cup away she begins to rummage through her purse. She pulls out her keys and fails to notice the badge that falls out. She causally walks out the door. I run to get the badge and when I look at it I realize that this woman is a doctor at a nearby hospital. "Ma'am you dropped something!" Not hearing me she continues to walk away. "Ma'am!" This time she turns to face me. She is standing there in the street looking at me, and that is when it happens. All of a sudden a car comes flying over the hill. I hear the brakes squealing as it tries to come to a halt, but it was too late. The woman in the street turns just in time to the car coming, but had no time to move. Bam! She is him. Her body flies up onto the hood of the Jeep Cherokee. Then as the car stops she immediately is forced back down onto the pavement. The driver jumps out of the car and runs toward the woman on the ground. I run towards both women and fall on my knees next to them.

"Oh, no! No, no, no!" The driver begins to say over and over again. It appeared as if she knew the injured woman by the way she was talking to her. "Call 911 and tell them we need an ambulance to take us to Seattle Grace Hospital. Tell them it is an emergency." I stood back in shock. "Do it!" She yells. She tries to get the woman to awake, but she was unresponsive.

I fumble for my phone and do as I am told. The young woman begins to go over the lady's injuries. "Are you a doctor?" I ask.

"Yes, I work at Seattle Grace."

"So do you work with her?" I ask pointing to the injured woman.

She nods slowly. "Yes."

The ambulance come speeding down the street with the sirens wailing. It came to a stop and two paramedics jump out of the box. They fling open the back doors and pull out the stretcher. "What do we have?" one of the men ask.

"Female, possible internal injuries. Broken leg and possibly some ribs. Unknown if there are any head or neck injuries." As she rattles off the possibilities they begin stabilizing the woman and putting her on the stretcher. "Take her to SGH they will know who she is. She is a doctor there."

"What's her name miss?" one of the paramedics ask.

"Addison Shepard."

"And yours ma'am?"

"Grey, Meredith Grey."

A/N-I hope you like it so far. I will try to update soon! Please review! I love them!

Disclaimer- I do not own GA or any of the characters.


	2. I did

A/N- Thank you so much for all the reviews! I really loved them all. Well here is the next chapter...enjoy!

**SGH- 7:30 am- ER**

Izzie and Christina stood in the ER waiting on a case. They weretasked to the ER because they were short doctors, nurses, and interns so they got stuck with it.

"Alright everyone we have a car wreck coming in. Young woman was hit by a car. Who wants it?" The head nurse yelled over the ruckus of the ER. Izzie immediately looked at Christina who looked at her. Both of their hands flew up at the same time. "Alright the both of you can work on this case. Dr. Taylor will be working with you." She looked down at her chart and then back up at the two interns. "You can take her to exam 5." The head nurse turned back around and focused on her work.

"Now what do we do?" Izzie asked.

"We wait."

**-In the Ambulance-**

"Ma'am do you think you could answer any of her medical questions?" the paramedic asked.

Meredith shook her head "No. Her husband works at Grace he should be able to answer them." Meredith looked down at her hand which was holding Addison's blood covered limp hand. She never thought that she would ever be holding Addison Montgomery Sheppard's hand. "Come on Addison, wake up."

**SGH- 7:35 am- ER**

Izzie and Christina only had to wait five minutes before their case came rolling in. As they saw the paramedics come in they rushed to their side. "Female name Addison Sheppard. Hit by a car, extent of injuries unknown." Izzie and Christina stood frozen. The paramedic continued to rattle off some more information, but it was falling on deaf ears. What scared them the most was that her face was so covered in blood, that she was barely recognizable. They both snapped out of their trance simultaneously. They had a job to do. Izzie and Christina led them to room 5 where Dr. Chris Taylor was waiting on them. The paramedics left the interns and the doctor to save their patient.

"Dr. Stevens I need you to get an ultrasound machine, sign her up for a CAT scan, MRI, and I want to x-ray those legs and her chest." Dr. Taylor ordered as he worked on his patient. Izzie quickly set to work. "Addison, can you hear me? Come on Addi wake up!"

Christina was an observant woman and took notice of the way Dr. Taylor used Dr. Sheppard's nick name. Did he know her? "Sir would you like me to go get her husband?"

"No." he said quickly. "Derek doesn't need to know, until we know what the prognosis is." Chris looked up at Yang with pain in his eyes. "Please Dr. Yang do not say a word to him, not yet."

Christina simply nodded and aided the doctor. All of a sudden Addison's stats began to fall, and then "She's flat lining doctor." Yelled one of the nurses.

"I know!" he yelled. He looked up at Christina "I need you to help me operate. Her abdomen is distended and we need to get in there and stop whatever is bleeding. Most likely it is her liver." As he spoke he began preparing to operate. He did not even need to tell the nurses to start the defibrillator. "Charge to 200. NOW!" With that shock they had her back, but for how long they didn't know. "Alright people lets move quickly."

As they were running out of the exam room all that Christina could think of was 'Who hit her?' "Dr. Taylor do we know who hit her?"

"I did." Christina turned around to see Meredith standing in the waiting area covered in blood.

"Let's go Dr. Yang!"

Dumbfounded Christina turned and ran after her case.

**Doctors Lounge- 4 hours later**

Derek sat and fingered the cold bands. He couldn't believe that she had done that. He would have stopped her from leaving if he knew what to say. Did he love her? He had once, did he still love her? Deep down he knew that he would always love her, but was it as strong as it once had been? Now he would never know. He knew there was no way to get her back. He knew that after awhile he could give himself to Meredith, but she would never have all of him. And what about those eleven years of marriage. Could he simply forget all of those happy times? He closed his eyes exhausted from thinking, tired of life. The door to the lounge slowly creaked open and in walked Chris. Derek smiled, happy to see his old friend. Derek, Chris, Weiss, Sav, and Addison had all lived in the same apartment building while going to school. Derek stood up and gave Chris a tight hug. "How are you man? I didn't know you were here already."

Chris just smiled. How was he going to tell him? "Derek, we need to talk." Chris pointed to the pair of chairs located in the corner.

Derek simply nodded and sat down. He could see the seriousness of the conversation they were about to have written across his friend's face. "What's going on Chris? You look like you just found out your dog died."

Chris sighed "Derek something happened to Addison."

Derek still had anger towards Addi, but at that moment it was completely forgotten. "What...what happened?"

"She was hit by a car." Smooth Chris just blurt it right out! He thought.

"How is she?" Derek asked anxiously. "Just tell me the truth Chris."

"We worked on her for about 4 hours." he ran his hands tiredly through his hair. "She had a fractured right leg, broken pelvis, 2 broken ribs, lacerated liver, multiple scratches, some stitches in her head, and possibly a concussion we don't know yet." He didn't tell his friend that they had almost lost her twice.

Derek sat and soaked it all in. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Addison was hurt, seriously hurt. In fact he knew how lucky she was to even be alive. "Where is she?" He got up and began to walk towards the door.

"Buddy take a moment to soak it all in..."

"My wife needs me Chris." He said angrily. "Where is she?"

"ICU room 205, I'll walk with you."

**Addison Sheppard's ICU room**

As Derek looked at the body lying in the bed he began to cry. I had been years since he had cried. He didn't even cry after he found out about Addi's affair. But now he just lost it. He gently took her frail hand in his. "Hey Addi I'm here. I know I usually leave you when you need me, but it won't happen this time okay. I promise you." He sat carefully on her bed and laid his head on hers, gently kissing her hair. "I love you Addison, and only you." With that he let the emotions take over. He finally could answer Meredith's question. Yes, he loved his wife.

A/N- You know the routine...you read and then review. Hope you enjoy. BTW Chris is mine. My character I mean.


	3. Coffee and a Walk

A/N- Here is another installment of my story. Don't worry it is not going to be an easy going story there will be ups and downs. Hope you enjoy!

**-Addison's ICU room-**

It had been 24 hours and there was still no change in Addison's condition. Chris Taylor sat in Addi's room charting vigorously. Normally he would have done this somewhere else, but Derek asked him to sit with her until he got back from his trailer. He had gone home to get some close and toiletries. Chris looked up at her bruised and scraped face. When they had first met he had had a major crush on her. He chuckled thinking about the good old days. As he continued charting a young woman walked in not seeing him there. Silently tears began to trickle down her face. "Were you a friend of hers?"

The girl jumped and turned to face him. "What?"

"Are you her friend?" he asked again.

Meredith laughed. "No, absolutely not. I'm the one who slept with her husband."

"Oh you must be Meredith. Addison told me about you."

"I bet she did."

Chris walked over to stand beside Meredith. "Actually she didn't blame you. She wasn't overly fond of you, but she didn't hate you." Chris looked over at her face. She looked like she really needed someone to talk to. "Hey you want to get a cup of coffee, maybe take a walk?"

She smiled a small smile. "Yeah, I'd like that."

**-Coffee Stand-**

Once Derek got back Chris left to meet Meredith. He paid the man for their coffee, and handed Meredith her cup. "Thank you Dr. Taylor."

"Call me Chris."

"Okay, Chris." Meredith slowly sipped her coffee. "So, what is she like?"

Chris turned and looked at her confused. "Who?"

"Addison. Derek never talked about her."

Chris sighed; where did he start? "Well she was born in Kentucky to a wealthy family. Her dad raised, sold, and raced horses. One of his horses won the Kentucky Derby several times." He walked and thought about what else to tell her. "She got a scholarship to Harvard Med. and went right out of high school. We all met in college."

"Let me guess, Derek and Addison fell madly in love at first sight." She looked over at Chris as he began to laugh out loud.

"Actually no. You see Derek was a big science geek and Addison was a sorority girl all the way. We all had Biology 1 together and our teacher, Mr. Maxwell, knew they hated each other, so he made them lab partners." Chris laughed thinking about old times. "Well they eventually fell in love, got married, then moved to New York where they interned. They were like the perfect couple, always together holding hands, kissing, etc. Then when Ilana died it all fell apart. They both retreated to their work, and a year later, well you know the rest."

Meredith did know the rest, and she understood all of their past except for one detail. "Who was Ilana?"

"You mean Derek never told you about her?" She shook her head. "Well, that makes sense. If you didn't know about Addison, then you couldn't know about Ilana. Here I have a picture of her." He reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet. He handed her a picture. In the photo was a young Addison and Derek holding a small little girl. "That's Ilana Rose Sheppard. She was a beautiful little girl. She had curly brown hair and Emerald green eyes." Meredith smiled and handed the picture back to him. "She was born with a heart defect. We all knew she wouldn't live long, but she brought more happiness to our lives then we ever imagined. I was her god-father." He said proudly. "That picture was taken on her 1st birthday. She died about a week and a half later. It tore Addison and Derek to pieces."

There was a small park bench that looked appeasing, so they sat down. "I never knew all that, and I never would have guessed."

Chris nodded. "Not many people know. They don't even talk about it with each other."

As they sat and drank coffee Meredith began to have a little respect for the couple, and a weird feeling for the man sitting next to her.

**-Addison's ICU Room-**

It's late at night and just about everyone has gone home. I'm staying with her tonight, Iowe it to her. She would do it for me. As I look at her face all I can see is how she looked the day Ilana was born. She was the happiest I had ever seen her. I still have the photo of her asleep with Ilana in her arms. I keep it locked away in my bottom dresser drawer. I begin to think about Meredith and how much I hurt her. She didn't deserve to be treated that way, in fact no one does. I began to realize that Addi had been right; we were both in the wrong. My eyes slowly shut and I give into the long needed rest.

**-4 hours later-**

I jump as I realize that I had fallen asleep. I look over and Addison is still not awake. To keep myself away I scoot my chair closer to her bed. As I sit and watch her chest rise and fall I notice her hand begins to twitch. "Addison, Addison can you hear me?" Her eyes flutter slowly. Then they begin to crack open. "That's it, come on wake up." I say encouragingly. She opens her eyes and stares up at me. She moves her mouth trying to talk, but no sound comes out. I quickly grab some ice chips and feed them to her.

"Where am I?" she asks hoarsely.

"You're at Seattle Grace. You were hit by a car. Do you remember?" As she begins to remember her eyes widen in shock. I gently take her hand in mine. "Everything is going to be okay."

"My...my side, everything hurts." She leans back and closes her eyes in pain.

"Yeah, you have a broken leg, pelvis, and 2 ribs, a lacerated liver and some stitches here and there."

"Wow! I am tougher than I thought." I laugh lightly at her attempt to lighten the mood. She looks down at our entwined hands and slowly pulls away. "You should get back to Meredith."

"Addison I'm here with you, because I love you. What you did still hurts, but we can work through it."

She slowly nods and shuts her eyes. "I'm so tired." she mutters.

"Get some sleep Addi."

She grabs my hand as I turn around. "Will you...lie beside me? I know it sounds stupid, but..."

Before she can finish I am right beside her. I gently lay my arm around her. "Goodnight Addi."

"Goodnight Derek." she whispers.

As I hold her in my arms I feel a great weight lift off my heart. I had truly forgiven her and now I felt like the old me holding my wife. Everything felt right for once in a very long time.

A/N- Well you know what to do, read and review! Thanks!


	4. Forgotten Memories

A/N- Hey thanks for the good reviews. Wow I have had more hits on this story, then my others. Not as many reviews, but more hits. Well here is the next big mountain that our characters must climb. Hope you enjoy!

**-Addison's ICU room-**

Derek stepped out of the bathroom feeling refreshed. He had finally gotten some sleep and a hot shower. Now all he needed was a good meal, and he highly doubted he could get one at the hospital. As he put his dirty clothes into his suite case and pushed it underneath the chair he noticed Addison starting to wake. She slowly opened her eyes and looked at him. "Good morning." He said as he leaned over to kiss her head. As he did he felt her stiffen and pull away from him. Derek looked into her eyes, not understanding the problem.

"Who are you?" she asked with fear.

Derek froze. His worst fear had come true. But he didn't understand. She had remembered him last night, they had talked, and they had kissed. He couldn't believe it. "Addison it's me, Derek. Don't you remember me?"

She slowly shook her head. "No."

**- Main Information Desk-**

"Ma'am I'm sorry you can't speak to Dr. Sheppard. He is unavailable right now."

"Please, I need to speak to him. I'm not a patient, I'm his mother-in-law." she said flustered.

Just at that moment Derek came walking down the hall and saw them standing there. "Nancy, Bill!"

The man and woman turned to look at who called their names. "Derek, thank goodness." The older lady enveloped him in a motherly hug. "We thought we would never get out of JFK Airport."

"How are you son?" Bill asked as he stepped forward to give Derek a hug.

'How am I? I am horrible. My own wife doesn't remember who I am.' Derek thought to himself. "I am doing okay." He looked around for Addison's younger brother John, but didn't see him. "Did John come with you?"

"Yes dear, he just went to get us some coffee."

As if on cue a tall, skinny, blonde haired young man came walking hurriedly down the corridor with three cups of steaming coffee. "Here you go mom." he said handing her the coffee. "Hey Derek how are you?"

Derek couldn't understand why everyone kept asking him how he was, and then he reminded himself that they were just being considerate. "I am okay." He stood silent for a second, unsure of how to proceed with the conversation that needed to happen. "Follow me, we need to talk." The group walked to an abandoned lounge, and they all took a seat at the table. "I didn't tell you over the phone what happened to Addi, because I didn't want you to worry more than you were already going to." He sighed and stared at his clammy hands.

"Go ahead son, we can handle it." Bill said confidently.

Derek nodded. "Addison was hit by a car." At this revelation Nancy gasped and began to tear up. Bill put his arms around her and pulled her closer. John just sat stunned. "She has a broken leg, pelvis, and two ribs. She also had a lacerated liver, and some stitches. When she was brought in she was unconscious and had been until last night." Her parents sighed relieved to hear that she was awake and not dead. "I talked to her for a just a few minutes last night, and then she went back to sleep." He took a deep breath trying to compose himself. "This morning when she awoke I... she ... she has amnesia. To what extent we don't know, but she didn't remember me."

"But how can that be? You just said you talked to her last night, but this morning she doesn't remember you." John said with anger in his voice.

"We don't really know. We have a specialist coming in from Boston. He should be here by the end of the day." Derek looked at the people he loved. They looked like he felt; confused, scared, angry, sad, every emotion one could feel. "I can take you to see her if you like."

Addison's parents simply nodded and stood up. They followed in silence to the ICU room where their baby girl lay scared and confused. As they stood outside her door they slowly took deep breaths. "We're ready." Derek nodded and opened the door. As the couple walked in Addison turned to look at them.

Her eyes light up with joy. "Mom, Dad I'm so glad you are here!" Her parents ran to her side and engulfed her with gentle hugs. John stayed back with Derek. Addison looked over and smiled. "Well are you too cool to hug your big sis?"

John smiled with relief. "No way." With that he ran to her and gave her the biggest hug he could.

Derek dismissed himself and quietly left the room. He sat in the hall watching through the glass the loving family celebrate the life of their loved one. He smiled thinking about his "adopted family". When he had met Addison's parents they had immediately accepted him as part of their family. Bill became like a loving father to him, and every Christmas they would go hunting and catch up on what had happened in each other's life over the year. Nancy was always warm and loving. She would always try to fatten him up during the holidays. Then there was young John. At first John didn't like Derek, because he didn't think that he deserved Addi, but over time he grew to care for and respect Derek. They became like true brothers. Derek began to remember all the Christmases he had spent with the Montgomery family. All the warm memories began to fill him with a tingling sensation. Oh, how he missed those days. Maybe he could them back? But how could he do that if his wife didn't even remember him? Derek stood up quickly. He had to stop thinking like that. He just wanted to stop thinking at all.

**-Surgery Board-**

"Derek what are you doing?" The chief came up behind him and crossed his arms to prove that he was upset.

"Trying to find a surgery to get in on." he said nonchalantly.

"No, you are not going to operate."

"I beg to differ sir, but yes I am."

"Derek I understand why you are doing this." He said tenderly.

Derek turned to face him. "I don't think you do Chief."

"You're doing it to forget." The Chief looked down at his feet then back at Derek. "I can't imagine how hard it is to cope with the fact that your wife can't remember who you are, but operating on someone won't make it better. Now, Dr. Roberts should be here soon to see Addison, why don't you go and sit with her."

"But sir..."

"You are not going to operate. Not today, I am sorry."

Derek nodded and turned to go back to someone who never knew him.

**-Addison's ICU Room-**

The specialist, Dr. Roberts, had arrived about an hour ago. He examined Addison and asked her many questions. Derek and her family decided to wait in the ICU waiting room instead of the cafeteria. As they sat talking ligtly about this and that Dr. Roberts finally emerged from Addison's room. He sat down across from them and folded his hands. "Well I can't really explain why she was okay last night, but not this morning. We don't know what caused it. It is not unheard of, but not extremely common either. The good news is that she doesn't have complete amnesia. She remembers everything up to her going to college. She does know that she is an adult, and a doctor, but how she got there is a mystery. Everyone that appeared in her life during that time has been forgotten." He reposistioned himself in the seatso that he was closer to the family."Since she has partial memory there is a good possibility that she will eventually regain all of her memory. The only thing you can do is to be patient. It might help if you could takeher somewhere that she loved, show her pictures, and tell her stories of her life. These usually help my patients remember. Just so you know there is always the possibility that she will never remember." He looked at the family who was trying to absorb everything. "She is free to go home whenever the hospital releases her. I am sorry, this is never easy to handle." With that he stood up and left. They all sat there for a minute, then Nancy stood up.

"Well, we need to go check into our hotel, so we are going to go say goodnight to Addi, then head on over. We left our number in her room." She said to Derek.

"Okay. Thanks, and I will see you guys tomorrow." He gave them each a hug and followed them to Addi's room. They said their goodbyes and left the young couple alone.

Derek sat down next to Addison. She gave him a small smile, and stared at him. "What?" He asked her curiously.

"Nothing, it's just that I have a feeling like we knew each other, in an intimate way. Did we date?"

He smiled a little smile. "No, we..." he sighed "We were married."

Her eyes grew big. "For how long?"

"Eleven years."

She closed her eyes and laid her head back. Slowly tears trickled down her soft cheeks. "I was married for eleven years and I can't remember one thing from that time." Slowly she began to sob.

Derek went to sit next to her, and pulled her to him. "It's okay. It will just take time."

She pulled back and looked at him through her tears. "That's the thing; time. I don't remember hardly any of it. I have all these images in my head, but they are in no semblance of order. I have all these feelings, most of them for you, but I don't know why I have them. I just don't understand why all of this is happening to me! Why me? Why now? I just want to know." Through all this she had been crying, but now she broke down.

Derek pulled her to him and held her tight. Tears slid down his cheeks and landed on her soft hair. "I just want to understand why." she cried into his chest. He sighed and held her tighter. "Me too." He whispered. "Me too."

A/N- I know it is sad, but this is a sad story. There will be some cute, romantic, and even funny parts coming up. I hope you enjoy, and remember; review, review, review.


	5. Planes, Jeans, and Home

A/N- Sorry for the delay. I have had a lot of tests lately due to exams coming up. Thanks for the reviews. I love them! Hope you enjoy this chapter!

The next week went by quickly. Addison's condition was slowly improving, and she was eventually allowed to move out of ICU. She was doing well enough to finally go home, but where was home? Addison's parents left that decision up to Derek. They had offered to take her home with them to Kentucky with them, but he had said no. He didn't want to impose on them. They had told him it was not a big deal; she was their daughter after all. He said no, telling them he could not be swayed. He knew that he had to be the one to help her heal. After much deliberation he finally decided to take her back to Manhattan. Their apartment was there, their friends, most importantly that is where they had truly lived their lives. As Derek sat in Addi's room signing her release papers he heard her laugh. He looked over at her and watched silently. It had been a long time since he had heard her laugh like that. To be accurate she hadn't laughed like that since before Ilana died. She stopped laughing and looked over at him. "What? Am I bothering you?" she asked.

"No, I just haven't heard you laugh in a really long time." He smiled warmly at her. "You know that is one of the things that made me fall in love with you."

She smiled. "Really? I have always hated it" They both sat silent, neither one knowing what to say. "So...Do I get out of here today?"

"Yep, I just have to sign these and then they have to process them. We should be out of here by this evening."

"Good, I am getting sick of wearing this stupid gown. Grey is not my color." she laughed lightly. He simply smiled and turned back to the papers.

**-Coffee Shop-4 pm**

Derek had finished the papers and left Addison to visit with her family. He knew that there was some unfinished business he had to take care of before he left Seattle. He told Meredith to meet him at the coffee shop near the hospital at four. He didn't tell her why, but she promised to be there. As he sat and nursed a cup of coffee he heard the bells on the door jingle and in she walked. She walked to the table and took a seat. "Hey, thanks for coming."

She shrugged. "You said it was important."

He nodded. Scooting his cup away he took a deep breath and began. "Meredith I wanted to tell you why I chose Addison."

"Derek you don't have to. I ..."

He held up his hand to shush her. "Yes I do. I owe you an n explanation. Now please don't interrupt." She nodded and waited for him to continue. "When I met you in the bar I was there to get drunk and not feel anything, but then I saw you, and talked to you. You made me feel good for once in a long time. We shouldn't have slept together. And it wasn't your fault." he added the last line quickly. "It was mine. I was the one who was married. Anyway, when Addison came back I was mad at her for what she had done, but mainly for what she made me feel. I realized how much I loved her. Meredith I never loved you, and you never loved me."

"How do you know?" she asked as her eyes became misty.

"Because we would have felt it. Yes I care for you, but it's not the same. I barely know you, and people who love each other should know each other. For instance I know the way Addison looks when she is really excited, I know her favorite food, I know that she loves the flavor of bananas, but she can't eat them because the texture makes her gag. I know how to make her fears go away, I know her voice and can read how she is feeling over the phone, just by hearing it. I know the sound of her laugh." He sat and remembered that morning and the harmonic sound he heard. "Meredith I don't know any of these things about you." He reached across the table and took her hands in his. "You deserve a man that can know that stuff about you. Someone who knows you better than he knows himself. You deserve to be truly loved, and I can't give you that." He sighed and let go of her hands. "I wanted you to know this before I go back to Manhattan. I think it might help Addi remember. I just thought you should know." With that he stood up and grabbed his coffee. "Goodbye Meredith."

Meredith stood and walked to him. "Goodbye Derek, and thank you." she smiled a sad, yet sincere smile. He nodded and then left her life for good. Meredith stood there feeling different then she had when she walked in. He had been right. They never loved each other. Sure they cared for each other, but there never any love. She would be sad to see him go, but she knew that things would eventually work themselves out. Maybe she could find a man that would feel for her like Derek felt for Addison. Maybe he was right in front of her.

"Hey Meredith mind if I join you?"

She snapped out of her trance to see Chris standing in front of her. "No, I wouldn't mind at all." Maybe, just maybe. She thought.

**-The Next Day-**

Derek was glad that they were able to get first class tickets, not for himself, but for Addison. Since her ribs were broken, along with her pelvis sitting was a difficult and painful task. He knew that sitting on a cramped plane would not help her situation, especially since she couldn't really stretch out her leg, even if they had first class. They were about an hour into their flight when he saw her face begin to twist and contort. "You okay?" He asked softly?

She looked over at him and smiled weakly. "Yeah I'm just..." her face grimaced again."My ribs are just a little tender, no big deal."

Being a doctor he could always tell when someone was lying about how much something hurt. Her situation was no different. He reached into his bag in the overhead compartment and pulled out a bottle of pills. He opened it and took two in his hand. As he sat down he caught the young flight attendant's attention.

"Yes sir."

"Can I get..." he turned to look at Addison."What do you want to drink?"

"A martini please, and make it a double." she said pleadingly.

"She'll have a coke." he said quickly to the attendant.

"Yes sir." She smiled looking at the dirty look Addison was giving Derek.

"You make a girl with broken ribs, a pelvis, and a leg sit on a cramped plane, and you won't let her have any alcohol? You are on evil man." Derek chuckled lightly. "I was not being funny." she snapped.

"Here you go sir. One coke."

"Thanks." He handed Addison the Coke then the pills. "Here better than alcohol."

She smiled evilly. "Yeah, drugs!" She eagerly took the pills then laid her head against his shoulder. Derek didn't pull away like he thought he would. Instead he smiled remembering her antics. He had forgotten how Addison could always make him laugh. He had forgotten many things about her.

**-Rosewood Place-**

As the taxi pulled up in their driveway Derek began to feel nervous. He looked at the beautiful brick townhouse and felt scared. Was he ready to face the past? Could he help Addi remember? He was pulled out of his reverie by the noise of Addison trying in earnest to get out of the taxi with her crutches. "Wait Addi, stop for a sec will ya!" she stopped and looked frustratingly at him. "You can not use your crutches to get up the steps."

"Well Mr. Genius how am I supposed to get up there?"

"I'll carry you."

She sighed and rolled her eyes. "Derek, I am way too heavy. I can get up there on my own."

Derek simply ignored her and yanked the crutches from her. "You can't get up there without these." He waved them tauntingly just out of her reach.

"That's not fair. You cheated." She gave him a mock glare and pouted.

"Yeah well life is not fair. And you are not heavy." He took the crutches and the bags and walked up the stairs. He unlocked the door and laid his hand on the knob. Taking a deep breath he slowly opened the door. Once he stepped inside and turned on the lights, he looked around the room. Nothing had changed, which was surprisingly comforting. He walked back outside to Addison. "Now just stand up gently on your good foot and then wrap your arm around my neck." She nodded and did as she was told. He gently pulled her into his arms and signaled for the taxi to leave. As he carried her up the steps he could tell she had lost some wait over the last few weeks. He couldn't help but feel it was partially his fault. As he stepped over the threshold he remembered the first time that he had done this.

**-Flashback-**

"Derek what are you doing?"

"You will see in a minute." Derek carried his young bride over the threshold of their new home. He slowly set her down and steadies her.

"Can I take the blindfold off?" she asked anxiously.

"Okay. You can take it off."

Addison ripped the blindfold off and looked around. "Derek where are we?" She asked as she looked around the empty room, then back at him.

"Our new home."

"You, you mean..." she stumbled over her words trying to put together a sensible sentence.

"I bought it. I bought it for us." he stood and watched her face waiting for an okay that she liked it. "Do you like it?" he asked hesitantly.

Addison turned around to face him with tears in her eyes. "I love it." She ran and engulfed him in a hug. He picked her up and spun her around listening to her laughter echo throughout _**their**_ house. Once he set her down she leaned in and gave him a soft kiss. "Now all we need is furniture."

He gave her a sly smile. "Well, we already have some."

"We do?"

He nodded. "Yeah my parents moved my bed form my apartment while we gone."

Addison smiled seductively at him. "Oh, so we have a bed huh." He slowly nodded. "Well maybe you should show me where it is." she whispered softly in his ear. He smiled, took her hand, and slowly led her upstairs.

**-End of Flashback-**

Derek snapped out of his memory, and closed the door. He looked around their living room, and smiled a small sad smile. He remembered helping Addison pick out their furniture. He had actually had a lot of fun, but he would never tell her that. They never really did disagree on what kind of furniture they liked. He chuckled thinking about when Weiss had told him that their house looked like a picture out of Pottery Barn, which he didn't take offensively. He had to give it to her, Addison had taste.

"So this is where we live. I like it."

"Well you should," he chuckled "you decorated it."

"I did? Hmm, I have good taste." She smiled as he rolled his eyes. Shifting her in his arms, he began to ascend the stairs. "Where are we going?"

"To the bedroom. You can lie down on the bed, watch some T.V. and I will make you some dinner."

"I'm not hungry." she said softly.

"Open the door for me, please." he said stopping in front of their bedroom door. She pulled the handle and pushed the door open. He walked to their king-sized bed and set her gently on it. He began looking around for some pajamas she could easily get into. He noticed nothing had changed in here, except for she had bought a new bed. I was a beautiful four poster mahogany with intricate detail on the head bored. Finally he found a satin nightgown that she could wear. "Here this should be easy to put on."

Addison held it in front of her and inspected it. "Yeah it ought to go on okay, seeing as there is hardly anything there." She giggled softly at her own joke.

"I will go get the bags while you change." Derek went and retrieved the bags from the foyer, then headed back upstairs. When he walked in Addison was trying to balance by holding onto a post, meanwhile trying to pull off her jeans. He dropped the bags and ran to her side. "What are you doing?" He asked angrily.

"I was trying to get my pants off." she said as her voice began to rise.

"Well why didn't you sit down to get them off!"

"Because, Derek, they won't come off my butt if I am sitting on them!" She yelled, matching his intensity. They both stared angrily at each other. Realizing that they were being stupid they both calmed down.

"I am sorry." they said in unison.

"Here I will help you stand and you can pull them over you hips, then you can sit on the bed and I will get them the rest of the way." She nodded and pulled them past her hips, and then with assistance sat on the bed. She felt slightly uncomfortable with him pulling off her pants, but then she reminded herself that they had been married for even years, and he had seen everything she had. "Addison,"

"Yeah."

"What do you want for dinner?" He pulled her pants off the rest of the way and put them in the hamper. Without saying anything he began to help her take off her sweater.

"Like I said earlier, I'm not that hungry. Thanks anyway."

"Come on Addison you have to eat something. All you are is skin and bones." He looked at her frail body sitting on the bed. Derek had never been able to see her ribs that clearly. She had always been skinny enough to see them, but now he could make out every one of her ribs. She really had him worried.

Seeing the fear in his eyes she lovingly took his hand. "I am okay. It is just the medicine makes me not have much of an appetite." She smiled up at him, and for a moment they both felt as if nothing had happened. No loss of memory, no affair, no Seattle. And for just a moment Derek lost himself in the past, in the love they had once shared. Starting to feel uncomfortable Addison let go of his hand. "I know we were married and that what is underneath it is no mystery, but could you turn around while I take my bra off. But wait before you do could you unclasp it for me? I felt like was going to die this morning when I was putting it on."

He smiled and did as she asked. Once she was dressed he helped her get settled in bed. He handed her her pain pills and a cup of water. "I am going to leave your crutches right here if you need them. I'm going to change, and go to the guest bedroom, but if you need me just call."

He turned to go, but she stopped him. "Please, won't you stay in here? I don't want to be alone. If it will make you uncomfortable I understand." She had such a lonely look on her face, that he could not refuse her request.

"I'll stay. I am going to change and then I will come to bed." He changed quickly into his pajama pants then climbed into bed. "You don't mind if I sleep with my shirt off do you?" Addison could only shake her head no, for she was left speechless by his bare muscular chest. Derek turned out the light, then settled into bed. Without noticing what they were doing they both scooted next to the other. Derek wrapped his arm tenderly around her waist, and Addison laid her hands on his chest. He looked into her deep green eyes and saw a hint of the Addison he fell in love with. "Goodnight Addi." She smiled at her nickname. "Goodnight Derek." That night they both fell asleep with the hope that tomorrow would bring relief from their problems and a sense of normalcy to their lives.

A/N- You know the drill. Read and review. Hope you enjoyed it!


	6. Carrots

A/N- Sorry for the delay. I have been meaning to update, but I have been so busy, and then I tried to up date on Georgie...well enough excuses here is what you have been asking for.

**-The Next Morning-**

Derek's eyes were hesitant to open. He knew there was something warm against his chest, but he could not think of what it could be. Reluctantly he opened his eyes. As they came into focus all he saw was red hair. He then realized who it was. He slowly ran his free hand through her hair and inhaled. She still smelled like she always had. He never could explain her smell, but he knew it well. As he laid there he thought back to one of the happiest times of their lives.

**-Flashback-**

Derek drew lazy circles on Addison's arm. She looked over at him and smiled. "A penny for your thoughts." she offered.

He looked up at her. "I was just thinking how amazing this is." He lifted her tank top slightly to reveal her flat stomach "That in here there is a baby. A human being that will look like you and me." He laid his large hand over her stomach. "No matter how much I know about how the body works I am always amazed by the gift of life." He smiled sheepishly at his child like amazement. "It probably doesn't amaze you as much, seeing as you work with it everyday. I mean you fix mother nature's mistakes."

Addison laid her smaller hand over his. "Everyday I am amazed. It never turns into something that you can't marvel at." She smiled and leaned over to kiss him. He pulled her into his arms and laid both hands on her abdomen. "I know that it doesn't really matter, but what do you want? A boy or a girl?"

Derek chuckled. He knew that this question would be asked eventually. "Well, I could irritate you and say that all I want is a healthy baby, but I'm not going to." He smiled when she gave him a mean look. "Honestly I kind of want a little girl. One with your hair and eyes, but maybe not as much attitude." For that comment he was rewarded with an elbow in the gut.

"Watch it buddy, or you are going to be in trouble." she said in a reprimanding tone.

Derek quickly flipped her on her back and leaned over her. "Oh, and how would I be punished?"

Addison gave him a seductive smile. "I'll tell you." she whispered and motioned for him to lean in. Just as he was off balance Addi pushed him off and turned out the lamp.

"And she can not have your sense of humor."

Again her elbow made contact with his body. "Goodnight Derek." she said happily.

He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to him. "Goodnight Ninja Girl." He whispered in her ear, then kissed her lovingly on the lips.

**-End of Flashback-**

Derek sighed and noticed where his hands had wandered. He hand unknowingly laid them on her stomach "Oh Addi where are you? I just want you back. I want to hold you, talk to you, heck I even want to fight with you." He knew that the woman he was holding was biologically Addison Montgomery, but without the memories she was not the same.

**-3 weeks later-Thanksgiving Day-**

Derek, Addi, Sav, Weiss, Tina, and Chris all sat around Sav and Weiss' dinning room table eating a wonderful Thanksgiving meal. Addison remained quiet all evening. She would listen to the conversations, and soak them up like a sponge. She knew a little about the couples, but only what Derek had told her. She had gotten to know Sav a little during the past week. Derek had had to go back to work, and asked Savy to sit with Addi until he got home. Addison had immediately liked Sav, and the two were becoming close friends, again.

That evening when Derek and Addison were back home they both remained quiet. Addison went to bed early,and Derek staid up working on some charts. About two hors after Addi went to bed Derek heard banging coming from upstairs. "Addi!" He called out. There was no response, except for more banging. He stopped what he was doing and ran upstairs. He ran into their bedroom to find Addison sitting amongst a myriad of photo albums. She looked up at him with tears cascading down her delicate cheeks. He saw a few albums that were across the room. Which he deduced had made the banging sound. "Addi what's wrong?"

"I hate this!" she cried.

"Hate what?"

"Thais..." she gestured around her. "This is what my memory is like; a photo album I have all these memories, but they are in no order. I have feelings I can't explain, feelings so real, but pointless without the memories they go with."

He slowly walked towards her and sat down. "What kind of feelings?"

"Well,let's use you as an example. I know I love you, but I don't know why. Every time you touch me I get a chill up my spine, and my heart races. I know that if I hurt you I would be heartbroken. I also know that I have broken your heart, and I don't know how, to be I honest I don't want to know. I love you Derek, but I have no reason that I can remember for feeling this way. I hate it! I want to love you because I am your wife of eleven years with eleven years of memories to back up my love. I want to be the woman I was!" She cried hard and threw another album

Derek attempted to wrap his arms around her, but she pushed him away. Being determined to help he tried again, and this time she didn't have the strength to fight him off. She melted into his embrace. "Shh... shh." he soothed. "I can't imagine how hard it is for you, but know that I love you and you love me, and the whys and how comes do not matter." He ran his hand over her back, and tear trickled down his face. The other time he had heard Addi cry this hard was when they had lost Elana. That night he held her, closer and tighter then he had in a long time. He had said I love you to her, finally he could say it again. Was it because she was hurting, or because she didn't even remember hurting him? He didn't know, but was scared to find out.

**-2 Weeks later-**

The next two weeks passed swiftly. Addison was able to get her cast off, and she had become more stable, emotionally. Derek now felt comfortable leaving her at home alone while he was at work. They had tried everything to help bring her memory back, but nothing was working. They were steadily learning how to cope with that. As Derek stood in the kitchen making dinner he saw Addison come in from her jog around the neighborhood. "It is starting to snow." She said happily.

"Well according to the weatherman there is supposed to be two feet by morning." Derek watched Addi's eyes light up like a child's when he said this.

"What are you making?" she asked as she stood behind him. His hair stood up on the back of his neck at her close proximity. All he could think of was wanting to take her in his arms and kiss her. He had to remind himself that she was not the same woman. "Hello...anyone there?" He was snapped out of his reverie by Addison's hand, which had just made contact with the back of his head.

He grabbed the back of his head and looked back at Addi who had a smirk on her face. "What did you say?"

"I asked you what you were making."

"I am making Chicken Fettuccine, and salad."

"That sounds good." She walked to the refrigerator and took out a bottle of water. "I remembered something while I was jogging tonight."

"Yeah? What was it?" He asked interested. He removed the pasta from the hot eye of the stove and placed it on one that had not been used. Then he turned to face her and gave her his full attention.

"Well, it's not totally complete, but it's more then before. It was about when you proposed to me. I remembered that it was snowing, and you took me to the barn at my parents house. You proposed to me in the loft." she stood quiet for a second, then said "Why the loft?"

Derek sighed, he didn't really want to remember all of this, because it hurt too much. "Because that is where we first met."

"I thought that we met at college."

"Well, we did. But later on we realized that we actually met in your parents loft. I came there because a friend of mine was thinking about buying one of your parents horses, and I told him I would check it out while I was in Kentucky. I had to come for a conference before school started. Anyway I came into the barn and no one was there except for you."

"And I was in the loft." she finished for him, and he nodded. "I have a feeling we didn't hit it off did we?"

He began to laugh hysterically. "Defiantly not, I mentioned about how if this place was as good as it was supposed to be then there should be someone other than a stable hand to answer my questions." He burst out laughing again. "You proceeded to inform me that you were the daughter of the man who owned the farm, and that the reason you were the only one there is because one of your horses was in the Kentucky Derby. Boy did I feel like an idiot." He said shaking his head.

"Well from what you said you should be thanking your lucky stars that I actually took you into my life." she said as she snuck a piece of carrot from the cutting board.

Derek gave her a dirty look and pointed the knife at her. "You better watch it. I'm the one with all the knives." Addison just rolled her eyes. "Don't roll your eyes at me." he said sarcastically. Addi ignored him and grabbed another piece. "One more time and you are going to feel my wrath."

"Ooo, I'm scared." As she laughed she grabbed another piece and bolted out of the kitchen.

"That's it! You better not get that carrot anywhere near your mouth!" He yelled and began to run after her. He heard her scream as he almost caught her. "Did you eat it!" "Yes." she yelled back. He chased her up the stairs laughing all the way. She again let out a scream. "I'm so going to get you Addison Elizabeth Montgomery!" Addison ran into their bedroom and jumped onto their bed. Derek didn't stop coming towards her, but simply toppled onto the bed pinning her down. Addison was out of breath and laughing uncontrollably. Derek laughed and looked down at Addi's face. He gently moved her hair out of her eyes. He simply stared at her not saying anything.

"What?" she asked with a smile.

"I...I think I've fallen in love with you." He said huskily. Addison stared at him speechless, then without any thought she leaned up and kissed with all she had. He quickly released her arms, which instinctively went around his waist. He followed her lead and began to run his hands through her hair. "Wait!" he pushed up and tried to catch his breath. "Are you sure about this?"

She smiled tenderly. "I have never been more sure of anything in my life." He nodded and went back to what he had been doing. "Wait! Derek what about dinner?"

"I turned the stove off, and it will reheat." That was the last full sentence uttered for a while.

-6 am- the next morning-

Derek heard the alarm go off, but didn't want to acknowledge it. He felt something heavy on his chest and looked down to see Addi's head. "Addi wake up." she didn't move. "Addison you have got to wake up."

"No." she mumbled into his chest. "It's too early."

"I know, but you have to move so I can go to work."

"Ugh." She groaned as she slid over to her side of the bed. Derek slipped out and got ready for work. As he was about to leave Addison padded downstairs in her silk robe and house shoes. He walked up to her and pulled her to him. "I have to go, but I will see you tonight." He kissed her softly on the lips. She began to deepen it, but he pulled away. "We can't do this or I will never make it to work. But tonight..." He raise his eyebrow and gave her a quick kiss. "Bye, love you." He left quickly before he gave in to her charms. All the way to work he was grinning like an idiot. Last night they had turned over a new leaf, and everything was going to be good. If only he had the ability to see into the future, then he would have known that that same day was going to change their life.

A/N- Okay, I am sorry I took so long. I know you don't like waiting, and I am sorry, but here you go. I will try to update soon. You have to understand that I am also writing this still, it is not finished. It is in my head, but not on paper.


	7. How Can You Love a Hoar?

A/N- Okay, okay I know that I haven't updated in a long time. I could use the excuse that I was walking down the street one day and I had my story in my hand, then all of a sudden I bumped into Patrick Dempsey and my story flew out of my hand, and of course I couldn't chase it down the street because I was too busy giving Patrick my number. Would you believe me? Probably not, so I am not going to tell you that. I am sorry that I haven't updated, but here you are the next to the last chapter. Well here goes, hope you enjoy.

-5:30 P.M. - Same Day-

Addison stood barefoot in the kitchen cutting vegetables and listening to Frank Sinatra. She checked her watch and saw that Derek would be home in about an hour. This gave her plenty of time to get dinner ready. She had a recipe for homemade soup and decided she would give it a try. She felt like she remembered Derek liking it, but she could no longer distinguish between what she knew and what she thought she knew. She heard the door open and then checked her watch. "You're home early." She said loudly. She then felt him wrap his arms around her waist. "I missed you." She said warmly.

"I missed you too."

Addison jumped and turned around. The man who she looked at was not Derek. "Who are you?" she asked with her knife pointed at him.

"Come on Ad, I know we haven't seen each other in a while, but how could you forget me?" He asked with his arms out wide as if showing her what she had missed.

"How did you get in my house?" she asked her voice shaky.

"I have a key." He dangled it for her to see. "Remember? Derek made me one. Come on Ad, Derek won't be home for a while so why don't you and I go upstairs." H started to approach her, but she quickly backed farther away from him.

"I don't know who you are, but you better get out of my house, or I promise I will hurt you!"

He walked toward her with a smug grin on his face. "Awe I guess I will have to persuade you like I did the last time. Come on Addi." He grabbed her wrist tight causing her to release the knife.

"No!" She cried as he pushed her backwards. Addison switched to fight mode and kicked him hard in the shin. He let go and grabbed his leg in pain. Just as she was about to get away he grabbed her foot causing her to lose her balance and fall. As she fell her head made contact with the corner of the kitchen table.

Mark stood up painfully then gave her an evil grin. "Come on Ad let's get this over with."

"I don't think so." Mark turned around and was met with Derek's fist. "You jerk!" Derek yelled as he kicked Mark in the side while he was on the ground.

"Derek stop!" Addison yelled as she struggled to get up.

"Are you okay?" he asked as he examined her cut forehead.

"Yeah, I just need a band-aid."

"Are you sure?" He was pulling her eyelids back checking her pupil reactions. They were normal, and then he started to look her over checking for any other wounds.

Addison lovingly took his hands in hers. "Derek I am fine." She looked around at the mess in the kitchen, and chuckled slightly as she heard the soothing sound of Frank Sinatra still going. After everything that had just happened to hear "Come Fly With Me" playing she found it slightly comical. "Can we just get out of here?" she asked softly.

"Yeah, let's go." He helped her stand up then pulled her into his arms. "I love you Addi, I love you." He whispered.

-The Plaza-

Derek and Addison had left as soon as the cops came to haul Mark's sorry butt away. They decided to stay at the Plaza in one of the suites. They both deserved some relaxation. Now they were lying in bed watching an old MASH rerun. "Oh, I love this episode!" Addison said with glee.

"I thought you didn't remember any of these." Derek said as he looked down at her.

"Oh, I don't, I have just seen this one before."

"Oh, okay." After they watched MASH they watched some medical documentary about obstetrics. As they sat together Derek began to walk back through his old memories.

-Flashback-

Derek stood over a patient operating on her spine. He had spent six hours working on her and was just about to close her up. "Dr. Sheppard." An intern asked from the doorway.

"Yes."

"Your wife is here to see you sir."

"Tell her to wait for me in my office. I will be out in about thirty minutes."

"She says it is urgent sir."

Before the intern could get a response Addison had grabbed his mask and pushed him aside. "Derek!" she said frustrated.

"Addi I'm busy." He said annoyed.

"Yeah, well so am I, but I am taking thetime to give birth to your kid, so you better take the time to be there."

Derek stopped and looked at her. "You…you mean…you're in labor?"

"Yes." She said meekly.

"Dr. Walsh, will you close for me?"

"Yes sir, and congratulations."

Derek walked quickly to Addi who had made her way to the scrub room right outside the O.R. "Are you okay? Why didn't you call me? How far apart are your contractions?"

"Derek calm down. I'm fine, and my contractions are about ten minutes apart." She smiled at his unnerved appearance.

He took a deep breath then took her delicate hand. "We are really doing this?"

"Yep, too late to turn back now." She smiled then her face contorted in pain. "Owe, owe, owe." She squeezed his hand tight as another contraction hit.

"After this we have to get you to the 4th floor."

She nodded, and then sighed as the contraction ended. "Let's go before another one hits."

-6 Hours Later-

"Come on Addi you can do this." Derek coached. He knew Addison was exhausted, but she had to keep pushing. He gently wiped her sweat laden forehead.

"Remind me after this is over to get a restraining order on you!" She yelled through gritted teeth. Addison relaxed before she had to push again. "Do you know how much I hate you right now?"

Derek just rubbed her arm. "I know baby."

"All right Addison just a couple more and you will be done." The doctor said calmly.

"Come on baby, you can do it." Derek said lovingly.

"Don't call me baby! You calling me baby is what got me here!" she yelled as she pushed.

"One more push Addison." Coached the doctor. Addison took a deep breath and pushed with all her might. The next thing they heard was a sweet sound. They heard their baby cry for the first time. "It's a girl!" the doctor said as he held the little baby up.

"Is she okay?" Addison asked anxiously.

"Yep, ten fingers and ten toes." the doctor said with a laugh.

"She's beautiful." Derek said as he looked down at Addi. "I love you." He said softly as tears fell down his face.

"I love you too." She said with a watery smile. They shared a quick kiss before Derek cut the cord. The doctor placed the small pink bundle in her mother's arms. "Hello Elaina, I'm your mom, and that handsome man is your daddy."

Derek gently caressed the little girl's soft cheeks. He had never thought that he could love anyone more than he did Addison, but now she and his daughter were tied for first.

-End of Flashback-

"Whatcha thinking about?" Addison asked startling him out of his reverie.

"Oh, nothing. Addison did Mark hurt you" He felt her stiffen when he asked the dreaded question.

"No, he didn't hurt me." She looked back down at her hands. "I, can we go to sleep now?" she asked like a little child.

"Of course." Derek turned the T.V. off, switched off the lamp, and then snuggled close to Addison. "Goodnight Addi."

"Goodnight Derek." Addison laid there in silence. The day she had been waiting for had arrived, she had regained her memory. Now all she wanted was to simply forget again.

-3 Weeks Later-

Addison stood in the walk-in closet trying to find another pair of jeans she could pack. She and Derek were going to drive down to her parent's house for Christmas. Derek came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her. He gently began placing kisses on her bare shoulder. "Derek."

"Hmmm." He said not stopping his current action.

"Now see this is exactly what we can not do at my parents house." She smiled as he rolled his eyes.

"I know that is why I was trying to get it in before we left." He started kissing her again, this time even softer.

"Derek," it took all the control Addison had to make herself not get carried away. She turned and looked at him. "Later." She said softly. He sighed defeated and nodded his head. "Right now I need you to help me get that box down. I am going to see if I can fit into my old jeans."

Derek did as she asked, but wondered how she knew what was in the box, he had never told her. He reached in the open box and pulled out one of the pairs. "Here take these, they are my favorite." He said with a sexy grin.

Addison knew why he liked that pair, but she didn't want him to know she remembered, so she played dumb. "Oh and why are those your favorite?"

"They have a nice, I dun no, snug fit."

Addison playfully slapped him across the arm. "You are such a pervert."

"Only when it come to you." He laughed.

-A Few Minutes Later-

Addison peeked out of the bathroom making surethat Derek was not around. She quietly walked to the suitcase and placed two small boxes beneath her clothes. She was so scared that the results would be what she dreaded, and yet what she secretly prayed for. Just as she was zipping up the suitcase Derek walked up behind her, causing her to jump.

"Did I scare you?"

"Yeah, sorry, I just didn't hear you coming." She tried to make her excuse sound credible, but she was afraid that she had failed miserably.

"You okay?" he asked lovingly.

"Yeah, I am just stressed."

Dereklovingly wrapped her in his arms. "I know how you can release that stress." He said seductively.

"Oh you do?" She asked as he began to kiss her shoulder. Addison was scared to let it happen for fear that when Derek found out that she had been the old Addison that he would be disgusted. Addison closed her eyes and pushed aside her doubts. She needed this intimacy, she had longed for it for so long and now it was here, and she was not going to let fear stand in her way.

-Montgomery Residence-

Derek and Addison had talked all the way to her parent's house. They talked about this and that, nothing serious. When they pulled into the driveway there were five other vehicles. "What is going on?" Addison asked as she stepped out of their black Land Rover. Just then the front door opened and out came Addi's mom and dad, Derek's parents, Addi's two brothers, their wives, and their six children, and then Derek's 4 sisters, and his 12 nieces, along with his four brother-in-laws. A total of thirty-six people came running to greet the couple. They hugged more people in the next five minutes then they had in years. Once they were finally settled into Addison's old room they both flopped down on the bed.

"My arms are tired. Are your arms tired?" Derek asked exhausted.

"Did you know your family was coming?" Addison asked rolling on her side to face him.

"No, did you? Are you okay with all these people here?"

"Yeah, I mean no. I mean…ugh." She laughed as she ran her hand over her face. "I didn't know they were coming, but I am okay with them being here."

"Are you sure?" Derek asked as he pulled her close. "Because if you begin to feel overwhelmed just let me know and we will come up here and be alone. Okay?"

Addison nodded. "I'll be okay, but if I feel 'overwhelmed' I'll let you know." She laid her head on his chest and closed her eyes as he ran his hand through her soft hair. They both took in the silence and comfort of the moment, knowing that it would be one of few for the next week. "I'm sleepy." Addi muttered into his chest.

"Well, why don't you take a nap, and I will wake you up in time for dinner." He said into her hair.

"Okay." She said sleepily.

Derek made sure Addi was settled then went downstairs to talk to his family. He walked into the kitchen and found all of the women cooking, drinking wine, and gossiping about god knows what. He was almost out of the door with a beer in hand when his youngest sister spotted him. "Don't even think about leaving without me." She whispered into his ear. He smiled at her. Riley had always been more of a tomboy, and even though he would never admit it she was his favorite sister. They quickly escaped through the back door and walked casually to the stables. Riley looped her arm in his as they walked. Riley looked more like Derek than any of his other four sisters. She had long wavy dark brown hair, and bright blue eyes. She was medium height, and had a girlish figure. She smiled up at him and poked his side with her finger. "You look happy." She teased.

He looked down at her. "I am happy."

"Good." She said as they sat down on a bench in the barn. She looked over at him and laughed. He had this stupid smile on his face, one she hadn't seen in a long time. "So how is the Addison situation?" She figured that since he was so happy now would be a good time to ask the question she had been meaning to ask for a while.

Derek took a swig of his beer and stared down at the hay beneath his feet. "We were going to get a divorce. She was going to leave me, and I was going to let her go." He looked over at her and smiled. "After the accident it was hard at first, but then it got easier. It was like she became her old fun self. She had her same dry sense of humor, she was…she was Addison again; just without the memories. Somewhere along the way my love for her grew; it was rekindled." Derek finally made eye contact with Riley. "I was so scared at first, but now…now I'm not worried."

Riley took Derek's beer from him and took a swig. "Good, just be careful D." she said softly.

"I will Ri. You know I heard that Mark started hitting on you." He chuckled as she rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, unfortunately. Oh my gosh can he not get it through his head that the Sheppard family wants nothing to do with him. Now his brother, I might consider him." Mark's younger brother Chris was a genuinely nice guy. He and Riley had always been good friends, but lately they had been growing closer.

"You still like him?" Riley nodded. Derek just smiled. "Well you have my permission. He is a nice guy, but his brother on the other hand is not so nice." Derek sighed and stood reaching out his hand to his sister. "Come on lets ride a horse."

Riley took his hand and stood. "Are we allowed to?"

They walked to a stall a few feet away. "Yeah, this is Addison's personal horse, and I have always been allowed to ride it. You coming?" He asked as he began to saddle the horse.

"I'll do anything to get out of that kitchen." She said as she took his hand and mounted behind him.The two siblings settled themselves onto the horseand rode out of the stable.

-Inside the House-

Addison had been sleepy, but the nap was just a ruse to get Derek to leave the room. After he left she crept out of the bed and to her bag. She pulled out one of the rectangular boxes and walked towards the bathroom. "Two pink lines will appear if it is positive." She read aloud. She quickly took the test then placed it on the sink counter to await her fate. As she paced the bedroom she felt like a small child who couldn't imagine how long two minutes could last. Time always seems to creep by when you are small, and now she felt like it wasn't even moving. Finally it was time. She walked into the bathroom and picked up the test. Slumping down on the toilet she laid her head in her hands and began to cry. The test was positive.

-Christmas Eve-

Derek walked downstairs and saw his family staring out of the window. Everyone was there except for Addi. They were all whispering about something that Derek couldn't make out. "What is everybody staring at?"

Addison's mom came over to Derek. "It's Addison sugar. She is sitting outside alone in the cold without a coat or anything. She won't take anything from us, and she won't talk to any of us either. Go talk to her, and when you go take this blanket it with you."

Derek took the blanket and grabbed his leather jacket. Addison's dad ushered everyone out of the kitchen as Derek walked outside. Addison was sitting on a rickety swing just staring out into space. Derek wrapped the quilt around her shoulders. She continued to sit still her gaze never breaking. Derek sat next to her and rubbed his hands together trying to warm them up. "Addi we are all worried about you." Still there was no response. "Ad talk to me."

"Why?" she said barely above a whisper.

"What do you mean 'why'?"

"Why did you pick me? You could have had Meredith, but you chose me. You could have had a girl who never…who…but you chose me. Why?"

"Addi…I…how do you…?" Derek stuttered.

Addison stood up angrily and shrugged off the blanket. Crossing her arms across her chest, Addison tried to keep in what little body heat she had. "I remember Derek. I remember everything! It all came back to me the day I saw Mark. It was like he was the missing piece of the puzzle. Since then I've know or remembered everything. I remember our baby, I remember our pain, I remember...I remember the affair." Addison turned around to face him with tears streaming down her face. "How can you wantme? How can you want your hoar of a wife?" She asked quietly. "After the accident you never left my side, not once. I want to know why? I want to know how? Why do you want me? How can you love **me**?" She was barely getting her words out without losing control on her emotions. "How can you love a hoar? How can you love me, when even I can't love myself?" Finally the sobs broke loose. Derek could hear them welling up in her throat he had just been waiting on them to break free.

Derek's heart broke when he heard her call herself a hoar. She spat the word out like it was filthin her mouth.Why was she doing this? Was it because of what he had called her that day she gave him the divorce papers. Was that why? He pushed those thoughts aside and stood up and walked towards her. "You are not a hoar, and I never ever want to hear you call yourself that again." He said forcefully. He walked closer and touched her hand. She tried to pull away, but he held on tight. "As for your question 'how can I love you' that is easy to answer. I can love you because I always have, and I always will. I have never stopped loving you; and I know this because I tried. After the affair I tried to make myself not love you, but I couldn't do it. And as for the second question 'why I love you' that is just as simple as the first one. I love you because you are a woman who would sacrifice her life for me or anyone she loves. I love you because you have loved me, supported me. I love you because you are my soul mate. You are the woman who when I saw you for the first time I knew that I would always love you, even though I couldn't stand you." He chuckled lightly at the memory. At this point he cupped her face in his hands. "Without you my life doesn't exist; without you I am nothing. I love you Addison Forbes Montgomery Sheppard." He leaned in and kissed her damp lips. She kissed him back and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"I love you too. I am so sorry for everything."

"I know Ad." He set her down and wiped her wet face. "From here on out I never want to hear you say 'I'm sorry' one more time for the affair. Okay?"

"Okay." She said as she wiped her eyes. "By the way I have a special present for you tomorrow." She smiled as they began to walk hand in hand.

"Oh really, is it dirty?"

She slapped his arm playfully. "No, and I'm afraid you won't be getting anything dirty while we are in my parents house."

Derek stopped and scooped her and the quilt into his arms then walked towards the stable.

"Derek the house is the other way."

"We're not going to the house we are going to the heated loft."

"Why?"

"So I can get my dirty present."

A/N- Okay so here you go a nice long update. I only have one chapter left after this, and then it will be finished. Hope you enjoyed, please read and review.


	8. Lilac Ribbons

A/N- Well here is the last chapter of the story. Sorry. Hope you thoroughly enjoy!

**-Montgomery Residence- Christmas Day**-

Addison laid in Derek's comforting arms and thought about their life together. They were no longer going to be a couple, but they would finally be a family. She smiled thinking about the little life that she was carrying within. She prayed that their relationship was strong enough to handle having a baby. All of these thoughts ran through her head as she drifted in and out of consciousness. As she fell asleep she had a dream that felt so real, she was positive it had to be.

**-The Dream-**

Addison stepped into the small pink bedroom and smiled down at the little girl sitting on the floor. "Elaina what are you doing?"

"I came to say goodbye." She said quietly.

Addison sat down next to her. "You can't leave, I need you."

The little girl stood up and smiled at her mother. Her purple and white checked dress straightened as she stood. She was wearing white laced socks, with Mary Jane's and a purple ribbon tied her small bouncy curls into a ponytail. She lovingly placed her small hand on her mother's face. "Mommy, you can't hold onto me for forever."

"Why not?" Addison asked with tears in her eyes.

"Because I am gone mommy and you can't have the new baby and still have me on your mind all the time."

"What do you mean?" Addison was confused. Was Elaina telling her to forget about her? Addison knew there was no way she could ever do that.

"Let me go. I will always be here." She said as she laid her hand on Addison chest above her heart. "And here." She said as she placed her hand on Addison's forehead. "You can't move on if you don't let go of the past."

Addison chuckled through her tears. "How would a four year old know that?"

Elaina smiled. "I am special mom, you always said I was."

"Yes you are." Addison bit her bottom lip as more tears fell. "I can't let you go."

"I am already gone."

"No your not, or you wouldn't be standing right in front of me."

"They let me come back, they said I needed to talk to you, that you needed to say goodbye. Mommy I love you, and I promise to always be with you." She leaned down and wrapped her arms around her mother's neck.

Addison held on tight. She inhaled the familiar scent of her daughter, and kissed her soft hair. " I love you so much." She closed her eyes tight summoning all the courage she had. "I think I can do it."

Elaina pulled back and smiled. "I have to go now." She said softly. "I love you mommy." She leaned down and gave her a soft kiss. Then untied her purple ribbon and handed it to her mother. "For the new baby."

Addison held the ribbon tight. "Thank you. You are so big." Addison said as Elaina was about to leave the room, she was trying to stall her daughter's departure.

"You always wondered what I would be like when I was four." Elaina gave her a big smile. "Bye mommy." The little girl had a small tear falling down her cheek.

"Bye baby." Addison said as tears steadily rolled down her face. With that Elaina turned around and walked out the door.

**-End of Dream-**

Addison had woken up with a tear stained face and a purple ribbon clutched in her hands. At first she was confused, but then she was consumed with an overwhelming feeling of comfort. She looked over at Derek and smiled, she was ready to begin this chapter of their lives. She had finally put the past behind her, and filed away all of her memories. Elaina would always be there whenever she wanted to remember her, but now she would have a new baby, one that she could hold and touch whenever she so desired.

**-4 Hours Later- **

Addison had dozed back to sleep and then awoke to the smell of cinnamon toast, bacon, sausage, biscuits, and coffee. Her mom always made a big breakfast on Christmas morning, and this Christmas would be no exception. She rolled over and came face to face with Derek. He smiled at her and pushed away a small piece of hair. He stared into her eyes and he could sense that she was different. Sometime during the night she had changed. "So do I get my present now, or do I have to wait?" He asked with a smile on his face.

"You can have it now Mr. Impatient." She rolled over towards the nightstand and pulled a small box out of the drawer. It was wrapped with precision and love. She handed it to and sat up to watch him open it.

Derek untied the ribbon, and then did away with the wrapping paper. He slowly removed the rectangular lid and unfolded the tissue paper. "Addi…is this…are you?" Derek stuttered trying to make a complete sentence. Before him in the box was her positive pregnancy test. "Am I going to be a dad?"

"Merry Christmas." She said with tears in her eyes. Derek just sat there staring at the box, saying nothing. "Derek say something."

"I'm going to be a dad." As he said this he looked up at her and smiled. She could see the tears brimming in his eyes. They had both been through this once, but that seemed like another lifetime. It felt like the first time to them, and in a way it was. Derek pulled Addison into his arms and kissed the top of her head. "This is the best Christmas present I have and can ever receive. I love you so much Ad."

"I love you too."

As they pulled away Derek looked down at the purple ribbon that had been around his present. He picked up the piece of lilac satin and held it in his hands. "I've seen this ribbon before." He said looking at Addison with confusion written across his face.

She gave him a soft smile and took the ribbon out of his hands. "Yeah, it…well…it is part of the past."

Derek simply nodded and didn't push for more details. He could tell by the faraway look in Addison's eyes that to open up the story book behind the ribbon would allow damage to seep into the story. He lovingly took her hands in his. "Let's go tell our families, shall we?"

Addison smiled. "Yes, let's."

**-6 Months Later- **

_**BIRTH ANNOUNCEMENT**_

_Dr. Derek and Addison Sheppard celebrate the birth of their son, Joshua Wes Sheppard._

_He was born on October 1st, weighing 8 pounds 3 ounces, at 2:30 am._

_The family would like to welcome you in the celebration of their new son._

A/N- Well there you have it folks. I am officially done with all of my stories; however I have plans to begin a new one. Well seeing as it is the last chapter, please review. I would really appreciate it.


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